The BIG 0-4 and other ramblings...

Dear Luke,
        I love you with every smidgen of my being.  You have taught me an aspect of life that until your birth I had only read about in books and heard through my mother's words.  Because of you I view the world differently.  My actions are more important, my carbon footprint is more important, the decisions I make on a daily basis seem more important.  Being your mom has made me want to become a better person and has taught me to love in a way that I could have never imagined before you were born.  You test me and you try my patience, but you wouldn't be you if you didn't.  Thank you for being you, for allowing me to be your mom, for loving me unconditionally, and for going through this crazy ride of life right by my side.  I love you more than you'll ever know.

xo,
Mom

Cookies we made for Luke's school party.

A close-up of the cookie Luke claimed as his own.

Eating said cookie.

That's a happy face, right?

Luke turns four tomorrow* and like most moms probably do, I've been spending the week looking back on the last few years.  From the positive pregnancy test after the year and a half of "unexplained infertility", to bringing home the quiet little bundle who didn't stay quiet for very long, to the now strong-minded and independent four going on fourteen-year-old who has taken over our world.  It's all gone by so fast, but at the same time it feels like it's been a lifetime.  Ha!  I guess it has been a lifetime...Luke's lifetime.  Forgive me, I'm tired.  Luke is both sassy and sweet, rowdy and gentle, goofy and serious.  He is a wonderful big brother, always looking out for Zach (and only occasionally beating him up) :).  He asks a billion questions each day (I've counted), which I absolutely love (on most days) as I know he is soaking up the world.  I swear sometimes I can see the wheels processing it all.  He loves to floss his teeth and thanks me every night for the dinner I served.  He's into recycling and understands that people have less then us and therefore asks for change when we come across Salvation Army cans and random donation jars.  He can change out the roll of toilet paper and when asked who Daddy's boss is, he answers with complete seriousness, "Mommy!".  Goodness, that makes me giggle.  He is a sweet and thoughtful boy, we're just fine-tuning the rest. :)  For instance, he is in the "Potty Talk" stage.  You know, the one where everything has to involve poop, boogers, and butts?  The other day we're driving down the road practicing our address and phone number (he knows both, but I find we have to keep up with it or he forgets).  He tells me our address, "529 River Down... BUTT!"  What a stinker!  Sometimes you can't help but just laugh.

Here are some pictures from his big day.  Luke decided he really didn't want a big party and instead chose to have a fun day with Kayla.  We started at Frank's Hot Dogs (a swanky hot dog joint in downtown Austin), then a visit to the Austin Children's Museum, and ice cream at the park afterward...

And at the end of the day, Luke received his present from us...

A new bike with pedals and without training wheels. 

Go Luke, go!

(Notice Mabel giving a lick off to the side.)

And where was Zach, you ask?  Spending the day with Grandpa Tom, of course.  Thanks, Dad! 

Zach is continuing to change every day.  He's getting chattier and chattier, able to string words together to form partial sentences, which if nothing else has allowed him to tattle on Luke.  Example: "Uke push" or "Uke it ed" (Luke hit head).  He's also in that stage of attaching possession to everything, as in Daddy's shoes or Mommy's tools.  He is definitely becoming more boy and less baby, but he is still a love bug.  He is constantly asking for hugs and kisses and is quick to give them out too.  "Akiss, akiss.  Beeg ugg, beeg ugg."

A few days ago* I came across the blog of a family who's two-year-old was dying of cancer.  I cried while reading their posts, sobbed uncontrollably actually.  I noticed they used Twitter to update family and friends, so I kept checking in.  The little girl died yesterday.  It made me realize how very lucky we are for the things we take for granted, like our health.  Yes, we all know this, but it's just so darn hard to stop and appreciate it as often as we should.  It made me think back to my quest for an answer on how Steve and I will handle religion with our children.  I immediately go to the thought of, If there were a God, how could he do this?  To which I know most Christians answer something to the effect of, God works in mysterious ways and for a greater good. Or something like that.  There was one common thread that ran through the family's posts:  Without God they could not have gotten through it.  And I get that.  How could you go through something as horrible as the loss of a child and not believe that it was all for something, that she'd be going to a better place?  I don't go to church and I don't pray.  I've tried both but always feel guilty because it seems dishonest since I'm not quite sure of my beliefs.  But like anything else, I want to give my kids all of the information and allow them to make educated and well-thought out decisions for themselves.  I know most of you out there have it all figured out for yourselves, but I don't yet, so please don't judge.  However, if you have any thoughts on the matter that may help, I'm listening.  Typically I feel that religion is best kept as a private matter, so why do I choose to blog about it?  This blog above all else is a way to chronicle our lives for the boys to look back on someday.  I want them to know our thoughts and feelings; that we tried like the dickens not to screw them up.  Or to at least keep the screwing up to a minimum. :)  

If you're interested in reading about the Marsh family and the graceful way in which they approached their child's terminal illness, visit laylagrace.org.  I will never forget this little girl and her family.  They will forever be a reminder for me to appreciate every day that I have with my boys, to find the good even when they're being "bad", and to not get wrapped up in the little nuisances of life. 


*I wrote this over the course of several days, so the dates might not match up.

And as if I haven't already put you to sleep with my ramblings, this one is for you, Joni:

How do you like that eye candy, Ms. Webb?!  Ha ha!!!

xo,

Jess